Give a Heart

I've had my share of heartache in a lifetime, more than most people will EVER begin to imagine.  But my heartache is nothing compared to what my friend, Sandy, is going through right now.  Literally HEARTACHE.  I've known Sandy for many years, I've witnessed the suffering and effects of cancer first hand with her, but through it all she has stayed so positive.  

In 2002, while we were working together, she was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  It was then that she told me that it wasn't her first battle with cancer.  In 1983 she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and underwent radiation.  How could anyone suffer from so much?  That was my question.  Why the hell would this happen to ONE person?!  From experience (my brother died of testicular cancer), when you receive the news of cancer, you will do ANYTHING to fight it and I mean anything.  You will let doctors inject you with drugs that cause sores in your mouth, drugs that make you vomit for days on end, drugs that will put blisters on your hands and feet.  Sometimes these doctors will suggest radiation therapy. Radiation is delivered by a machine and uses high end radiation to shrink or kill cancer cells.  Each part of the body can only undertake so much radiation before it causes damage to healthy cells in the body.  These drugs and this type of therapy will also fight the beast and eventually, hopefully you will be in remission and will go on to live a happy, healthy life.  Sandy received very high doses of radiation to her chest during her first battle with cancer.  

Since her 2nd diagnosis of cancer Sandy has undergone a stem cell transplant where very high doses of chemo were given to her.  You see where I'm going with this?  cancer patients will do ANYTHING to live a healthy life, they will undergo every treatment known in the medical field and sometimes even participate in medical studies to cure this monster living inside of them.  Like so many others she is a true fighter and has been for MANY years.  But because of her strength and desire to live a healthy, happy, long life, so much damage has been done to her heart, she now has to have a heart transplant.  A HEART TRANSPLANT!  Your heart, the organ in our bodies that pumps blood, that provides love, that breaks when we are sad.  A HEART TRANSPLANT!  I can't imagine the fear, the worries, or the stress that this has caused her and Dave, but like so many others, she has again decided to fight cancer and is not giving up!  She has been on the heart transplant list for a month now.  I'm not sure what a heart transplant entails, but from following her status updates on Facebook (Sandy) I do know that she has to see many, many doctors, undergo several tests, she has to have dentures prior to her transplant and can no longer work.  This poor girl it makes me feel so helpless, so sad.  I can't imagine how she feels.  

A fund has been set up for Sandy to help cover the expense of a heart transplant.  If you can give anything, anything at all, please consider giving to Sandy.  I've posted the link for you  New Heart for Sandy.  Above all else, please say a prayer for her and Dave as they face these struggles.  These last few days have been extremely hard on her and she could use all the support.  I can't begin to imagine the emotional struggles that come along with deciding to continue to fight cancer and put yourself on a heart transplant list.  Sandy, I pray for you.  I pray for all affected by cancer.  

STAY STRONG SANDY!

<3 Julie

Anything Can be Beautiful - As long as there is love

This week has been a week from hell, mentally that is!  I get this way right before a big event, the stress finally catches up to me and I'm just EXHAUSTED!  I'm off all next week, so work has been extremely busy as well, deadlines to meet, documents to get out, and the list goes on and on.  Ragbrai is Sunday, we've been putting the final touches on getting the beer garden ready for that, new opportunities have opened up with my Vault Denim business or possible opportunities, and you all know how my mind works, oh look at that pretty butterfly.... :)

For those of you who don't know what Rabrai is, welcome to Iowa!  Ragbrai started in 1973 with a few friends riding their bicycle across the State of Iowa, from the Missouri River to the Mississippi River.  Today,  it has become a Worldwide Attraction with more than 20,000 people riding Ragbrai.  Ragbrai is the "Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa", it is sponsored by the Des Moines Register, a news paper in publication in Des Moines, Iowa.  These riders have a route and they ride between 55-60 miles a day for 7 days, stopping in some of the towns along the way.  Sunday, they will stop in Minden, as it is the meeting town for the support vehicles.  Be prepared for many interesting pictures and stories to come next week on this.  You see Minden has a population of 600 people, so imagine 20,000 riders passing through this small country town!

I'll be spending my time down at the Community Club where we were forced happily decided to have a beer garden. The proceeds will be used for the Little League for new lights on the field.  Let me tell you those lights are in BAD shape and when I say bad, I mean real bad, falling down bad.

So today I needed a break, a break from work, a break from stress, a break from worrying if we have everything ready to go.  I took a walk a few blocks down over my lunch hour.  On my way back, this fountain caught my eye, don't get me wrong, it's not the first time I've stopped to look at it, but today, there was something about it, that said stop and take a picture of me and show me to the world.

So pretty and so peaceful, had it not been 100 degrees with high humidity, I would have stayed more than 2 minutes to enjoy it.

Go enjoy your weekend readers, because I know I will as I'm making friends with thousands of riders!

<3 Julie

Baseball Season is Over

Every year, when the boys are done with baseball I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness.  Why?  Because for 8 weeks baseball games consume my life, sometimes 7 days a week!  The longest stretch of baseball we had this season without a break was 12 days, count them, that's 12 days of sitting out in the heat (and sometimes rain) getting eaten alive by bugs.  12 days of running from town to town to sit in bleachers that hurt my butt so bad, I wish I would just break down and buy one of those stadium seats.  Am I too young for one of those?  But damn, it sure would be comfy to sit in for, sometimes, up to 5 hours watching baseball.  At times its so hot and sticky out, you're sitting in the bleachers, wishing you were floating in the pool, drinking a cold one, and then the wind picks up and a kid slides into home plate, only to be called out and now you're not only hot and sticky, but also covered in dust.

Dylan plays 2nd base & left field

Don't get me wrong, I love to watch the boys and their teams play ball, but by week 5, I'm so sick of concession food, driving all over Iowa, and paying $5 admission I could just scream.  But I wouldn't know what I would do without all the baseball.

Gage is a pitcher and plays short stop

I get that feeling of sadness because now what am I going to do with my evenings?  Now I'll actually have to MAKE dinner, now I'll actually have to do laundry on a consistent basis, clean my house, and maybe I'll even have time to get to the gym.

Good-bye baseball - hello summer!

<3 Julie

Annoyed by Attitude

What do you do when your kids are driving you absolutely nuts?  And I do mean getting on your very last nerve?  

I had all I could take, right in the middle of breakfast!  Yes, breakfast!  I picked up my plate and scrapped the rest of it into the garbage and said "Today will be challenging for us to get through" and I walked away.  

First the Gage was arguing with EVERYTHING Dylan said.  "No you said in the eggs not on the eggs."  "How is mom supposed to put salsa in the eggs?  With a needle?"  Boy does it really matter?  I knew what he wanted, for goodness sake!  

The last nerve was struck when we are eating breakfast and Gage is slurping his milk, I HATE THAT, and he continues to do it.  Of course, what is the big deal, no one is here.  Yes, but if you do it all the time no one is over, you will also do it when people are joining us AND I don't like it.  When it comes to kids, you have to put things into their perspective, so I used baseball.  It's just like at practice if you are jacking around and purposely overthrow to your second baseman, you will do it in a game.  Gage:  So what are you saying I've overthrown to second base before.  Me:  No, that's not what I said at all, I'm using it as an example of why I don't want you to slurp your milk out of your glass.  Gage:  Well it certainly sounds like you are saying I over throw the ball to second base. I don't know when I've thrown to second base, so how would you remember that I over threw the ball.  Me:  I'm NOT SAYING YOU OVER THREW TO SECOND BASE AT ANY TIME.  Gage:  YES YOU DID.  

I could tell this attitude was going to last for hours, so I did what any Mom would do, as soon as they finished breakfast I put them to work.  First recycling, then mowing, weed eating, pulling weeds out of flower bed and garden, sweeping out the garage, cleaning out the shed, putting doors back on my refurbished hutch project.  The fun didn't stop until they were sharing freeze pops, sitting out in the country oasis laughing with each other, it only took 5 hours for them to realize that I'd keep coming up with more chores if they kept up the back talking.  

What do you do when your kids argue with everything you say?

Shirtless Wonder

What is with people today?

Driving to run errands today over my lunch hour and I see someone who looked like this walking....

I wouldn't be writing this post if he looked more like this.....

Seriously, put a shirt on, you are in public, it's not that warm out, and not everyone wants to see your less than properly groomed abs.

A block away I see clothes and other personal belongings scattered all over the front lawn.  My first thought, maybe shirtless wonder will find his way back home.  Or did Mom do her son's laundry and left it out and a rabid animal got into it and scattered it all over.  

Seriously, what is with people today?  Or is it just me?  I'm staying in for lunch from now on.  

Running So Slow a Mosquito Bit Me

As the baseball season is winding down and coming to an end (blog post later), I have more time to actually run again! 

 I started running regularly about three and a half years ago when a friend of mine said, hey we should start running.  We both started, very slowly, and I mean VERY slowly, and I've stuck with it.  Running was something I wanted to do, but didn't know where to start.  Ok I knew where to start, I just didn't want people, or other runners to see me running, well walking at a pace a little quicker than a mall walk, and laugh or think, what the hell is she doing.  Now that I consider myself a runner, or part-time runner, I know that other runners would never look at a person and think that, they look at a person who wants to run and think, I remember being in their shoes.

The other night, I set out on my first run in a few days, ok, in over a week!  It's hot, it's humid and down right gross out, and I'm maybe a half mile in and I think, why do I keep doing this to myself?  Why do I build up a nice base and then stop for weeks on end?  I hate that side ache you get, the blisters on your toes, the pain in your legs the next day.  I hate the thought that I could run 5+ miles a day and now it's challenging just getting in 3 miles.  

I'm not one to follow the rules, even when it comes to running.  For crying out loud, my first mile was over 12 minutes!  As I climb to the top of the hill, I think, maybe I should have had more water today instead of those 3 glasses of tea and super nachos before I started out on this run.  Maybe I shouldn't breathe through my mouth, because now I have to choke up this bug that flew in and straight down my throat.  Maybe I should have worn a wick-a-way shirt, because this all cotton one is really hurting my arm pits right about now.  So I stop, because as I get to the top, these guys were looking at me like I was crazy.

But I LOVE running.  I love that running clears my head.  I love the feeling I have after a run, the feeling that I just went out there and kicked some ass!  (Even if it was only for 2 miles).  

Here's more of why I love to run: 

1. I run to leave my troubles behind.
2. I run to move forward.
3. I run to be alone.
4. I run to be with others.
5. I run to push myself to my limits.
6. I run to test myself.
7. I run to think about everything.
8. I run to think about nothing.
9. I run to listen to my heart.
10. I run to listen to my thoughts.
11. I run to take in the scenery.
12. I run to listen to the quiet.
13. I run to just get out and go.
14. I run to buy new shoes.
15. I run to breathe.
16. I run to relax.
17. I run to energize.
18. I run to get sweaty.
19. I run to become breathless.
20. I run to manage my weight.
21. I run to enjoy that dessert
22. I run to be fit.
23. I run to be healthy.
24. I run to have great lungs.
25. I run to escape.
26. I run to feel alive.
27. I run to post it on Facebook and annoy people.
28. I run to motivate others to get out there and move.
29. And most importantly I run because it's cheaper than therapy

When I got back from my run, I felt amazing!  I was in such a better mood, I didn't feel exhausted and more importantly I felt like I deserved that ice cream bar.  So like any runner would do, I sat down and enjoyed every minute of it.  

<3 Julie

Still Coping Three Years Later

I woke up this morning and I thought, okay, today I'm not going to let it affect me.  That lasted all of 7 seconds before the tears filled my eyes.  You see three years ago today, on a day not much different from this, my brother committed suicide.  It's still one of the hardest things to talk about, I cry just mentioning it. I still ask myself all the questions I did that first day.  Why?  How?  Why would he want to leave his family?  I should have called him back sooner.  I should have asked him more questions about how he was feeling instead of always talking about how I was feeling.

Jessie Lee Meza

Suicide is something no one can explain.  No one has the answers to my questions.  I will never understand why.  But, as my then 8 year old son put it just hours after we received the news, I bet if Uncle Jessie knew how sad we would be he wouldn't have done it.  I hang on to those words because I know he is right.  I know my brother, the one person I turned to whenever I needed to talk, would never want to see me so sad.  

Did you know suicide is the 10th leading cause of death by Americans?  And that someone dies by suicide every 13.7 minutes?  I didn't either, until I lost my brother to suicide.  According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) more than 80% of us will lose someone to suicide in our lifetime. Those are all facts I remember each day I'm asked if I have any siblings.  Whenever someone asks what happened, I have trouble saying he committed suicide.

Until something hits home, usually you do not know any of the statistics.  I had to find a way to cope, a way to get through such a tragedy.  Since that day, three years ago, I continuously tell people I love them, I hug a little tighter, I listen a little closer.  I ask if they are ok, if something is bothering them, do you need to talk.  And I continuously tell people, let your loved ones know you care, because you never know who may need to hear it at that moment.

Since my brother's death, I've put together bits and pieces to help me understand why.  You see, my brother Roach died 4 years prior to Jessie's death and just 4 days prior to Jessie's death we buried a cousin, Dustin, who was more like a brother to us.  I believe in my heart, that Jessie missed them so much, that he wanted to be with them, he couldn't stand the fact that he had lost two of his best friends and would have to face the world without them.  At 29 years old, losing not one, but two people you care so much about is a very difficult thing to face and he couldn't do it, he couldn't go on living asking himself, why he survived and they didn't.

Roach H. Meza

Dustin Lee Pearce 

This morning when I woke up I thought I would be okay.  I'm doing better than last year on this day, and even better than the year before, but tears still fall down my cheeks as I recall a memory, read a text message, or hear a song.  But I'm coping better today, than I have the last three years and I will continue to be a strong woman, that I know my brother would want me to be.

Let your friends and family know how much they mean to you - you never know who needs to hear it.  <3 Julie

Smiling Through My Eyes

When you think of love what do you think of?  How do you know what love is?  

Love is something you can't put into words.  Love is always feeling safe.  Love is that feeling you get as if seeing him for the first time all over again.  Love is easy.  Love is laughing, crying, playing, teasing.  Have you ever smiled until your cheeks hurt?  Do you get butterflies in your tummy just thinking of him?  Carrying on a conversation for hours and not noticing anyone else in the room, that is love.  Silence that is never awkward.  Staring into each other's eyes and knowing exactly what the other is thinking.  

Love is him showing up in cowboy boots and asking you to go mudding and all you can think of is, I don't care where we go, as long as I'm with you.  When a song comes on the radio and you smile because he sings it to you.  Love is knowing exactly what to say when you need to hear it most.  Love is having a relationship others are jealous of.

Love is being completely open and trusting with each other.  Love is a rare and unique relationship between two people that no one can explain, it's just that, love.

<3 Julie