Annoyed by Attitude

What do you do when your kids are driving you absolutely nuts?  And I do mean getting on your very last nerve?  

I had all I could take, right in the middle of breakfast!  Yes, breakfast!  I picked up my plate and scrapped the rest of it into the garbage and said "Today will be challenging for us to get through" and I walked away.  

First the Gage was arguing with EVERYTHING Dylan said.  "No you said in the eggs not on the eggs."  "How is mom supposed to put salsa in the eggs?  With a needle?"  Boy does it really matter?  I knew what he wanted, for goodness sake!  

The last nerve was struck when we are eating breakfast and Gage is slurping his milk, I HATE THAT, and he continues to do it.  Of course, what is the big deal, no one is here.  Yes, but if you do it all the time no one is over, you will also do it when people are joining us AND I don't like it.  When it comes to kids, you have to put things into their perspective, so I used baseball.  It's just like at practice if you are jacking around and purposely overthrow to your second baseman, you will do it in a game.  Gage:  So what are you saying I've overthrown to second base before.  Me:  No, that's not what I said at all, I'm using it as an example of why I don't want you to slurp your milk out of your glass.  Gage:  Well it certainly sounds like you are saying I over throw the ball to second base. I don't know when I've thrown to second base, so how would you remember that I over threw the ball.  Me:  I'm NOT SAYING YOU OVER THREW TO SECOND BASE AT ANY TIME.  Gage:  YES YOU DID.  

I could tell this attitude was going to last for hours, so I did what any Mom would do, as soon as they finished breakfast I put them to work.  First recycling, then mowing, weed eating, pulling weeds out of flower bed and garden, sweeping out the garage, cleaning out the shed, putting doors back on my refurbished hutch project.  The fun didn't stop until they were sharing freeze pops, sitting out in the country oasis laughing with each other, it only took 5 hours for them to realize that I'd keep coming up with more chores if they kept up the back talking.  

What do you do when your kids argue with everything you say?

Still Coping Three Years Later

I woke up this morning and I thought, okay, today I'm not going to let it affect me.  That lasted all of 7 seconds before the tears filled my eyes.  You see three years ago today, on a day not much different from this, my brother committed suicide.  It's still one of the hardest things to talk about, I cry just mentioning it. I still ask myself all the questions I did that first day.  Why?  How?  Why would he want to leave his family?  I should have called him back sooner.  I should have asked him more questions about how he was feeling instead of always talking about how I was feeling.

Jessie Lee Meza

Suicide is something no one can explain.  No one has the answers to my questions.  I will never understand why.  But, as my then 8 year old son put it just hours after we received the news, I bet if Uncle Jessie knew how sad we would be he wouldn't have done it.  I hang on to those words because I know he is right.  I know my brother, the one person I turned to whenever I needed to talk, would never want to see me so sad.  

Did you know suicide is the 10th leading cause of death by Americans?  And that someone dies by suicide every 13.7 minutes?  I didn't either, until I lost my brother to suicide.  According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) more than 80% of us will lose someone to suicide in our lifetime. Those are all facts I remember each day I'm asked if I have any siblings.  Whenever someone asks what happened, I have trouble saying he committed suicide.

Until something hits home, usually you do not know any of the statistics.  I had to find a way to cope, a way to get through such a tragedy.  Since that day, three years ago, I continuously tell people I love them, I hug a little tighter, I listen a little closer.  I ask if they are ok, if something is bothering them, do you need to talk.  And I continuously tell people, let your loved ones know you care, because you never know who may need to hear it at that moment.

Since my brother's death, I've put together bits and pieces to help me understand why.  You see, my brother Roach died 4 years prior to Jessie's death and just 4 days prior to Jessie's death we buried a cousin, Dustin, who was more like a brother to us.  I believe in my heart, that Jessie missed them so much, that he wanted to be with them, he couldn't stand the fact that he had lost two of his best friends and would have to face the world without them.  At 29 years old, losing not one, but two people you care so much about is a very difficult thing to face and he couldn't do it, he couldn't go on living asking himself, why he survived and they didn't.

Roach H. Meza

Dustin Lee Pearce 

This morning when I woke up I thought I would be okay.  I'm doing better than last year on this day, and even better than the year before, but tears still fall down my cheeks as I recall a memory, read a text message, or hear a song.  But I'm coping better today, than I have the last three years and I will continue to be a strong woman, that I know my brother would want me to be.

Let your friends and family know how much they mean to you - you never know who needs to hear it.  <3 Julie

Missing You

You've all seen those cute little e-cards, you know the ones that have a cute saying everyone is thinking yet no one says?  You've all seen the one that says Kids say the darnedest things, and then followed up by a cute, yet embarrassing story?

Well kids also ask the toughest questions.  I had my niece and nephew for a few days this last week.  After one busy day of baseball, I was getting ready to put them down for bed and all night I could tell something was up with my niece, she took a quick bath and didn't want to play, brushed her teeth in 3 minutes (instead of the 15 minutes it usually takes) so finally I took a moment and asked if there was anything she wanted to talk about.

She lowered her head and very quietly said, I miss my Dad so much.  Immediately my eyes filled with tears, it is such a tough subject to talk about, and especially tough with a 6 year old little girl.  The questions that followed were some of the hardest questions I have ever had to answer.  Why did my dad die?  How did my dad die?  Does everyone die?  Will you die?  Will my mom die?  Why didn't my friends dads die?  Did your dad die?  As I'm doing my best to answer her questions, in terms a 6 year old child can understand through tears and sobs of my own, my dog Charlie lays on her lap while she mindlessly twists her fingers in the fur of his ears.  He doesn't move his head, just lays on her lap letting her tug at his fur, doing his best to comfort her.  She looks down at him and says, will CharChar die?  Aunt JuJu, I'm scared to die.  Those were the words that hurt the most and brought sobs from my boys.  I wipe the tears from my eyes as I search for something comforting to say to her, knowing all ears are on me, because although they've never said it, I know my boys are scared of dying too, everyone is scared to die, everyone except those who are at the door of death and have accepted it.  I grab her hands and I tell her stories of what a wonderful brother her dad was, how he always had a smile on his face, he was always teasing us, laughing, cracking jokes, never in a million years did I know he was so sad on the inside.  I told her that I was very sad, because I missed her dad as much as she did.  I was sad for her and her little brother, and for my boys and every other little niece or nephew of my brother Jessie's, sad because they would never meet the fun loving, carefree person I knew.  I said I'm scared to die too, because I would never want to leave you or your brother or Dylan or Gage, but I know I won't die before my time because your dad is up there watching over me.  I know he is with us where ever we go, watching over and protecting us as we go through life.  I repeated the story of how when she was a little tiny girl she always said, Daddy, I want juice, in that little whiny voice.  I told stories of growing up with her dad, who became my best friend, the one person I knew I could turn to and say whatever I wanted and he would never judge, he would just listen.

You see once a child opens up to you, they just talk, they don't try and find the right words, or words that won't hurt as bad as others, they just say what is on their minds, no sugar coating it.

After an hour of telling stories and remembering the one we lost, everyone felt better, our eyes were dry, we had smiles on our faces and happy memories running through our heads.  You see, what she was so sad about was forgetting who her dad was, not being able to recall the sound of his voice, or the things they used to do before he left our lives.

Sometimes we have to take a walk down memory lane to bring back the happy thoughts.

<3 Julie